I once said in this column that islanders have to "cling to the rock." Those were just words back then. It was something I said before, when staying on the rock looked much easier and more possible without tremendous outlay of effort and ingenuity. Now it's time to turn myself into a barnacle. When things get difficult, for example when I have to apply for a job, or when I've had a falling out with someone, or when everything costs more than I think it should and less money comes in than I think should be the case, I contemplate leaving the rock.
Then sometimes I think I don't have any place else to go. But that isn't accurate. I have many other places I could go. But as the old saying says, "Wherever you go, there you are." I'd have all the same issues anywhere else, less the money it would take to move. No, an alternative location is not the answer. When I say to myself, "I don't know what to do" or "doing what needs to be done seems too difficult", then I know I'm not thinking outside the box. And it's usually a box I've created in my own mind. When moving forward gets challenging, I try to remember to take baby steps. There are lots of times the next baby step is obvious, and that's very nice. Then there are times my mind fills with images of anonymous, as yet unidentified, awful next baby steps. That's when I turn on the TV and zone out. After a while, grace steps in and holds my head and tapes my eyes open until I see the baby step in front of me I couldn't see before. The next baby step might be getting a piece of information or making a phone call. It might be writing a column.
Writing this column is what has kept me clung to this rock. I have made my dearest friends on the island because of the column. I have been buoyed many times in a moment of doubt by a friendly stranger saying, "Don't you write for the Islander?" One of my favorite such moments was when I could think of no other baby step than to go to the transfer station with my recycling. The woman next to me looked over as we tossed in jugs, cans, and paper. "Are you the author?" she said. That moment made my day and the thought of it comes back to me often.
It's really neat when grace forces me to see a baby step that's fun and unexpected. Like going on a first date. Fun??? I know, when I started the twelve first dates I was scared. But now it's fun. Who knew? What does dating have to do with clinging to the rock like a barnacle? I believe fate asks a little action of us, a little foot work in the form of baby steps if you will, in the area of love. And love is like glue (insert correct biological term for barnacle glue here, all you microbiologists out there) when one wants to be a barnacle on a place.
Remember Dr. Leo Marvin, the psychiatrist played by Richard Dreyfus in the movie What About Bob? He wrote a fictitious book called Baby Steps. It's a long book about one very simple common sense idea. When you're afraid, or when things seem difficult, take baby steps toward what you want. My mom used to call it "biting off small pieces." In the movie, Leo, a world renowned psychiatrist is about to make a lot of money and continue his rise to fame by selling his book Baby Steps.
It turns out the seemingly normal Leo really isn't the mega god his fans had turned him into and eventually he crumbles when stalked by Bob, a new client. Ironically, Leo is himself admitted to a mental hospital, while Bob, his super needy, super neurotic client, triumphs over all and wins the hearts of everyone including Leo's family. Bob's triumph is a result of following the advice in Leo's book which, ironically, Leo gave to Bob in an effort to get him to leave his office. Sometimes when I don't know what to do, I think of What About Bob?, and about taking baby steps. The brilliance of What About Bob? is that the kernel of truth is, you really can accomplish a lot and overcome your fears if you take baby steps.
© M.E. Rollins
No comments:
Post a Comment